It’s not just important that you find a mentor, it is imperative. It can shave years of needless struggle.

Just ask them what pitfalls they did not avoid, good choices, bad choices, things they would do again, things they would NEVER do again. What they love, hate, how they stay motivated, what to do when it is hard to stay motivated. Do they prefer smooth or chunky?

Read more: Someone Needs to Tell You What to Do

Ask lots of whys and hows.

And always take notes, unless they let you record the conversation. Then sit back and let them talk…be sure to go back and listen to it again, and again and again – memorize it if needed.

And then take notes on the recording – but be sure to review them – they’re useless if you never look at them again.

In fact, something I recently learn from a mentor, while you are taking notes on what they said, using Post-its, write down what their words made you think about – what ideas did they bring to your mind…that is the road to mastery!

WHO CAN BE A MENTOR

A mentor can be just about anyone – alive or dead.

Think about it, Timothy had Paul, Joshua had Moses, Luke had Obi Wan and Robin had Bat…well, you get the idea, right?

I always look for people that have what I want or are doing, at a high level, what I want to be doing.  I say people that are working at a high level because that’s where you want to be, if not, why are you doing it in the first place, right?

I also look for people that achieved a high level of success in, really, any area of life. In most cases, if you know a person’s name, they did something right…________________,

I left that space blank so you could mention the Kardashians and/or Parris Hilton…obviously there are people who are simply known for being known, but now that I think about it…if that is what you are looking for…why not follow up with them, as I said, I look for people that have what I want or are doing what I want to be doing.

When I was doing comedy, I talked to comics that were getting paid for performing, touring and playing clubs on a regular basis…I sometimes talked to other “open-micers” but if I could get five minutes with a headliner…that was the cake, I wanted…great, now I want cake…brb…

Mmmmmm, that was good, now, where was I?

Oh, right, mentors…

So, look for someone in your industry or, it does not have to be a business thing, you might want to talk to someone who has had a long marriage and ask them, “how has she not killed you yet?”

There is no rule that says a mentor has to be business only– there are people out there doing life at a high level and, in many cases, they are happy to talk to you.

But you gotta ask.

Oh, I also, suggest that when you ask, you offer to buy them a cup of coffee or lunch, or cake, mmmm cake, oh wait, I just got back…but really, isn’t their time and knowledge worth a couple bucks to you?

 If not, you may not want it as bad as you think.

If you sign up for a class, either in college or a personal enrichment situation, you are going to pay for that and you may not get to choose the professor – so, be willing and happy to pony up for at least a coffee for the person that is about to pour wisdom into you.

What if you cannot ask though?

What do you do in the case of someone you know at the top of their game but you cannot just walk up to them and say, “Hi, you don’t know me but I want to model my life after yours.”

First off, that’s just a weird sentence…they are going to ask you to leave, especially if you try this in their kitchen…I highly recommend you not try that route!

I have one mentor, who has no idea I exist…how is he mentoring me? He has Facebook, Instagram, a podcast – well, he used to…I have not listened in a while but I am sure the recordings are still out there…and he has a book I recently purchased.

He has all sorts of content out there specifically for other people to consume…and he does it on purpose…not for me but…for me…and you and you and whoever is reading this…many of the greats do.

And with YouTube and Soundcloud – just to mention 2, people do not have to intentionally put out content. Their speeches and presentations can usually be found so you can study how they think.

I mentioned before they can be alive or dead, right? I am sure you are asking “how can a dead person mentor me?”

Easy!

If that person ever wrote a book, a play, an article, a song…whatever – they have offered a piece of themselves to you.

Want to understand words, language and stories? I bet Shakespeare has some clues you might be able to dig up.

Want to understand freedom and liberty? Thomas Paine wrote an epic treatment on those subjects more than 200 years ago and in just 46 pages…I bet he could teach you something.

Also, a high achiever that has an autobiography is a better option than just a biography for the simple reason that the auto bio, was penned by the person that you want to know better. It is their thoughts and ideas, they can tell you what books they found useful, what they used to do to get from A to B.

A biography, is a story – thoughts and ideas – about that person but by someone who may not have even known them. That does not make bios bad, they are just not a primary source…

See where I am going with this?

The “unaware mentor” I mentioned above once said something that had a huge impact on me specifically with regard to mentor/mentees relationships.

He said the thing he does, when someone asks for his thoughts on a subject, he asks, “Have you read my book?” If they say, “no” he tells them to go read that and then come back.

Seems a bit harsh on the surface but, man does it make a ton of sense if you look at it for mastery

and not just a quick fix or a Tweet, oh wait, it’s X now, huh, OK, well you know what I meant…

Just think about it, if the person you want to model yourself after has taken the time to write a book, they may have already answered your question(s) – that could save you both time.

I think of a guy like John Maxwell, an expert in all things leadership…he might deflect the “expert” label – but it is my post and I am stickin’ with it!

Anyway, that guy has written more than 100 books – I cannot even imagine, of course that could be why I still have not written even one – well, unless you count Pick a Direction and Go, the free download from me when you subscribe…eh hem!

The point is, what question you could think of that Maxwell has not already answered – at least once, I am sure there is some overlap, I mean 100 plus books? C’mon he’s answered almost all your leadership questions.

NEXT STEPS

So, who is it you need to talk to? Who do you need to reach out to? Someone from work or church or your neighborhood? I once asked a neighbor how he got his lawn to look so good…he said it “wasn’t cheap” …point is, he has a thing I want, a “nice” lawn, so I asked him how.

It really is that easy.

Now, go make the call.

Oh, and in the interest of full disclosure, I am not a Maxwell affiliate, I do not get anything from him for mentioning him, notice there is no link to his site or books…

On a related note, John, if you read this and want me to link to your stuff, we can certainly have that conversation

Heck, I’ll even buy you a coffee…