Is It God’s Will or MY Desire?

Why do I write?

Beside the fact that God’s given me the ability?

Or has He simply given me the desire to write?

Or do I just like writing and worked to develop the skill?

When I got here, I could not walk. I learned that. Do I ever contemplate walking for God?

No!

That sounds ridiculous, right?

What do I want to get out of my writing, out of this blog?

Why do I even have a blog?

Most people say you start a blog because you have something to say.

A message.

A popular phrase in the blogging community is to share “your story.”

Does anyone really care about my story?

I think not.

I am not 100% I care about it. It’s so slow and times, anti-climactic…If my life was a television show, it would have been cancelled in the first season…

I write clearly, or I have the ability to present a clear message – but what is that message?

I read a lot of blogs – many of them about blogging and most of them talk about not being afraid to share your message but honestly, I don’t know what the message is for me.

I don’t know if I have one.

I just want to write.

I want to share my ideas – thoughts on faith and my passion for God and serving him.

I started PADAG (Pick A Direction and GO! – the original site on Google’s Blogger) to encourage people to get off their butts and find God’s will for their lives by NOT sitting on their butt waiting for God to reveal his will.

The ironic thing is that I still – as recently as 10 minutes ago – ask God to PLEASE show me his will; to show me what I am SUPPOSED to be doing.

I hate the word supposed.

I think it limits people in their quest to discover God’s will.

It handcuffs them into thinking there is only one possible outcome for their life.

It hamstrings and cripples people.

OK, it does all those things to me but I doubt I am the only one that struggles with this – am I?

I can’t be right?

I know that part of why I write what I do is out of a sense of obligation to God.

I feel that I should honor him by writing about him and helping others and encouraging them in their walk.

But that is not all I want to write.

I always wanted my own column in the paper. Where I could wax poetic about whatever topic suited my tastes on that particular day.

Unfortunately, the journalism I grew up with is dead but this is not the post to discuss that.

I see the internet, in general, and my blog, specifically, as that outlet only I feel that I need to write – as I said – to honor God.

Then there’s comedy and novel writing.

AAAAGGGHHH!!! Tension breaker, had to be done (-Chainsaw)

 I mean, am I a mess or what?

People keep asking me about the comedy thing which makes me continue to think about comedy.

Which causes me to continue to think I should be doing comedy.

If I am going to be completely honest with myself and the world at large, and if I’m not what are we even doing here, then yeah…

I would LOVE doing stand-up.

Because, not only has God given me the ability to write but he’s given me the ability to write funny.

Perhaps, I need to get my butt back into comedy clubs and start telling jokes again? 

I think the thing there that worries me is that doing stand-up would make me happy and I wrongly feel that I don’t deserve to be or feel happy and how can I properly serve God if I am enjoying myself doing something I love?

Which is simply ludicrous (NOT a “Snake Farm” reference). 

Why wouldn’t God want me doing something that glorifies him and makes me happy?

Why do I feel like I need to suffer to be serving God?

My salvation was a gift – it is not something earned, rather it was given to me and I accepted when it was offered.

If it gives God pleasure to give us the gift of salvation then why do I struggle with thinking God wants me to make a living in a way that makes me happy and brings him glory?

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Otherwise, why give me that ability?

Not gonna lie, this is a little scattered today…kind of a train of thought, mindless ramble brain dump but I believe these are necessary parts of getting my thoughts and life in order.

Would love to know what you think. What are you struggling with and how can I help you get your train back on track?

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