God has spoken to me in the past – not audibly but I could hear him in my heart. I have talked and written about that in the past.
The first time he told me that I had built a wall around my heart and I was not allowing him to enter – then he told me how to change that. I walked out of church that morning drove home and did what I was told.
The next time was a year or so later and I was struggling to find my lace in his will – or as I like to say , finding His will for my life. The thing is though, that I was not doing anything. Rather, I was spinning my wheels doing nothing waiting, as I have said for God to speak to me through a burning bush or a billboard or – and I really looked for these too – scripture references in license plates. I wish I was making that up.
You know because God always hides messages out in the open for you to see if you really want to find them, right?
Wrong. Well, wrong in the sense that I really don’t think you’re going to find God’s will for your life by staring at the backs of cars – for one thing that’s dangerous!
Eventually, I felt God telling me to get off my but and something heck, anything and just “pick a direction and go!” I have held on to that I even named my first blog “Pick A Direction and GO!” With the intent to try to help motivate people to get off their butts and do something, anything for God’s glory.
Both of those times were many years ago and I have had some hills and deep, very deep – center of the Earth deep – valleys since then. However, few moments the last few years that measure up to either one of them and recently I have been quite discouraged.
Discouraged about my calling – still, honestly, looking for what that really looks like. I have a pretty good idea – now – that it has to do with writing but that realization has been a long time coming and I am still processing that – as recently as today. Discouraged because the “Direction” that I picked was not flourishing the way I convinced myself it should or would. Discouraged that I may have, yet again, missed whatever it was I was supposed to see from my surroundings and my circumstances that God was trying to tell me to go do.
My prayers recently have consisted of asking God to confirm for me that, basically, it is OK for me to want to be a writer and pursue it as a career and not be worried that I am out to have fun or glorify myself but that I can write and give him the glory – after all HE gave me this ability why would he NOT want me to use it?
But in my heart, I honestly felt as though I HAD to write things that had a slightly “preachy” tone to them. Not because aim or want to be a preacher but because I felt that if I was going to be a “Christian writer” I had point to God in everything that I published.
So, this morning while I was doing my bible study, I asked God – again – to show me how to proceed – but not knowing how or when he would answer.
Well, several hours later while I was at a book release celebration for new book by Rebecca Waters titled, Breathing on Her Own – you check out her site and buy her book here or here – she told me that she had started out basically the same way – believing her writing had to be more “educational” than entertaining but was lead by the Spirit to write “Breathing” a work of fiction and all manner of things fell into place for her the way that ONLY God could have orchestrated.
I felt like the rope from a millstone had been cut from my neck? I drove home thanking God for opening my eyes to this new reality.
Well, new to me – He always knew.
So, I say aaaalll that to say this. Thank you Jesus for opening my eyes. Thank you Rebecca for inviting me into your world and sharing so openly – I am sure having NO idea – how your words would impact this “wanna be” writer from Temple Terrace. And last, thank you to all of you that actually read my posts. I have and always will write with you in mind – never forget that.
Stay tuned for some changes to this blog – its direction, focus and posts.
I am open to suggestions as well. Is there something you’d like to discuss have discussed or see talked about? Leave me a comment and I’ll see what I can do.
Y’all keep the acorn spinnin’