No, I have never had it but I can tell you it sucks. I have watched if fought from the sidelines. I have been a part of the support system, oh, I am in the cast but I have never had the lead and I would be lying if I said I wanted the starring role. But it has lived in my house so I feel well equipped to write on this topic.
So, I can say without reservation that having cancer sucks – for everyone involved.
I spent the better part of the day today sitting, again, at the side of my wife’s bed before they wheeled her way from me into the OR and the unknown – sure, it is a little less “unknown” now but no matter how many times you watch the person you love wheeled away on a hospital bed you’re standing solidly in the unknown – well, maybe solid is the wrong word.
No matter who you are a million thoughts go through your head. They go from bright and happy to dark and morbid.
“She’ll be fine”
“She’ll be dead”
“She won’t have cancer and we can go home”
“She’s going to have cancer and it is all going to start over again”
“What do you mean this place doesn’t have a cafeteria?”
They just get darker and darker.
I make jokes – she’s OK with so you need to be too.
I run the gamut of emotions every time she has a headache, a pain that was not there yesterday, sleeps late – whatever. It reeks havoc on her life and mine and on everyone that knows her, loves her and hurts alongside us with every piece of bad news.
Of course, on days like today they also get to rejoice alongside us. We’re thankful for that and for them.
During these times we cling to our faith in Jesus Christ and his love for us. We are immensely grateful for the prayers of those that are also Christ followers.
Marriage issues, health issues, jobs, money, food – yeah, we face all the same problems as those that don’t follow Christ. Despite all of that we have something that they don’t and it is not family or friends, it’s not support systems or help it is something so much more valuable in times of trouble.
He gives us hope – live or die –and that helps us focus our faith by reminding us of the many many times He’s intervened on our behalf.
Hope can do a lot of good; it can get you out of bed in the morning, it can help you make tough decisions.
Of course it can be packaged and sold as something that its not but you have to learn to see things as they are NOT as you want to see them.
With all the crap that having cancer in your family brings the one thing it cannot take – unless you let it – is your hope and that’s the thing that pains me the most when I think about all the people that do not have relationships with Christ.
They have no hope. They have nothing to look forward to except questions.
So, as much as cancer sucks it pales in comparison to having no hope.