I often wonder how many times a day God looks down on me and shakes his head in haughty derision. – Probably, none or a million, but definitely one of the two.
I also wonder, at those times when he sees that I “get it” does he start jumping up and down like a father that just watched his son score a touchdown to win the game, only to be befuddled as to why I do not use my new found knowledge or as I am told Lombardi said, “…act like you’ve been there before”?
At times my son frustrates me; I can only imagine how maddening it must be for God, as my “Heavenly Father,” when I act like a complete knucklehead.
Where did this round of questions come from you ask – or not?
Our cat, Storm.
We have had Storm for several years. She’ll play, but she’s not the most loving and if she gets in your lap she seldom stays for any length of time. And almost never gets comfortable or lies downs. She’ll pace for a few minutes and then she jumps down.
Now, when we first brought her home she was less than a year old. We found her at the Humane Society so we understood that it would take some time for her to get used to us enough to be the “lap cat” we were hoping for.
Well, the other morning she would not even stand completely in my lap. Her back legs were there but she had her front were on the arm of the chair we were in. She was even more jittery than normal so I asked her “why can’t you relax? We rescued you over a year ago, why don’t you trust me yet?”
Wait, what did I just say? How can I ask a feral cat to trust me when I do not seem capable of completely trusting the Creator of the universe?
Do I trust? That is a question that’s been coming up A LOT lately.
There it was again, God using my words against me.
The worst part is that I do not even have the excuse of having followed Christ for a short time.
I know better.
Guess that’s the point.
I do know better.
I have had a tremendous amount of experience with God and his grace, provision and trustworthiness. I have seen it in the lives of people around me and in my own life. Countless times in the not so distant past when we had no money in the bank yet we always had food on the table – I mean look at me. Well, if you could you’d see I do not miss many (any) meals.
So why am I still skittish when it comes to giving him 100% of me? Why do I still hold back even the tiniest part of myself? Why do I refuse to trust him, pacing back and forth instead of curling up in his lap and relaxing?
I think that plays a role, to be sure. But it cannot be just fear.
In my quite time recently, I’ve been reading 2 Timothy 1:7.
“For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline” (NIV).
Paul is saying we have been given something more powerful than just an idea – not to diminish the power of ideas – we have been given the very essence of God in the person of the Holy Spirit. We’ve been given a guide and a teacher. We’ve been given someone we can run our ideas by, someone from which we can get “wise counsel.”
So, go ahead, sit down in warmth of God’s lap. Enjoy his caress as you drift off careless, worry free and completely trusting the one that is holding you – and me.
Have you ever felt like you cannot trust God with even a part of your life? Let’s talk about it.