Somethin’ ta Say

Posted: February 17, 2013 in Poetry

I want so much to have a voice.

To be heard.

Should I listen more? Should I be still?

Should I take notes?

It is so hard to hear the words. There is so much noise! I feel the murmuring all around me. The air is filled with nothing. It is suffocating. Their noise batters me. I am on my knees begging for it all to stop. I SCREAM. I want to sob uncontrollably, with reckless abandon, to pour out my heart, my pain. I want to dissolve into nothing.



I smell the rancid onion breath of a stranger telling me what a worthless piece of crap I am.

I believe him.

How does this happen? How does anything get done? This ‘aint Washington. Why do I not do more? Why do my hands stay folded? Why don’t I move? Why can’t I sleep? Why can’t I…

GET UP!

I see people that need love, salvation,  food, some discipline, a hug; maybe a swift kick to the butt. Did I say people, do I mean me?

 Am I at a loss or at a crossroads?

Where is ‘ole Scratch? Can he teach me to blow the harp, to play the blues? Can he make me famous? Will he double cross me? Will he stab me in the back?

Yessir, if he git the chance.

This wilderness we call home; a single planet suspended among the stars with the exact right combination of gases to breathe, food to eat, water to drink? We don’t crash into the sun, we don’t  spiral out into the darkness – careening into Jupiter or Saturn. Why is that?

This cannot all be random. This cannot all be by chance. A giant cosmic mistake. I do not, will not, believe that. You say my faith is misplaced? I marvel at yours. I want to call you out. I want to point out your arrogance. I want make you see what I see, to show you what I know. I need my own heart to change, my own eyes to be shown. I need humility. I need to be forgiven – by God, by you…

By me.

I see the light coming over the horizon in the morning. I watched my baby come into the world – a beautiful  miracle. I have made people laugh. I have seen the person I love most face cancer and beat it – twice. I have seen things come from seemingly no where and I cannot explain them. Not sure I want to try.

I have felt the warmth of relationship and the cold, bitter loneliness of betrayal. I have loved and been loved. 

I have hated and been hated.

I have caused as much as I have endured – more.

’nuff said!



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Comments
  1. Mickholt says:

    TC, Thanks. Appreciate you stopping by and glad you liked it.

  2. Sammy A says:

    What a great post. Wow, yea, I'm so glad you're writing. You're REALLY good boss. PLease don't stop.

  3. Mickholt says:

    Sammy,Thank you very much! Your encouragement means so much to me. Your words are humbling – inspiring. I will not stop – I may need you to remind me that I said that sometime :)Thank you, again.

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