When We Disobey God

Posted: January 4, 2013 in God's Will

I am sad today.
Sad – not because someone has wronged me or hurt my feelings. No one has taken anything away from me or cheated me.
I am sad today.

Sad – not because my life or the life of someone I love is over or nearly through.  Not because my “team” has done poorly recently or I did not get all the things I wanted for Christmas. Not because I have not lived the life I thought I wanted or that my childhood  dreams have not come to fruition.  Not for any of the reasons you would be inclined to think – not even if you know me as well as you think you do.
I am sad today.
Sad – because I realized this morning that a relationship that was once very important to me – and recently surviving only on life support – may have officially come to an end.
I am sad today because this is my fault.
For many years now, I have actively and willing sinned against God by deliberately NOT doing something the Holy Spirit has been leading me to do. For longer than I care to admit – either to you or to myself – God has been telling me to something and I have said “no”.  Is it scary, you ask? No. Does it involve killing giants? No. Building a giant boat and warning people of a flood? No. Sacrificing my son? No. none of that.  He also has not asked me to leave my home and family, interpret someone’s dreams or go and die on a cross – or any other way for that matter. He has not even asked me to share those details with anyone.
So what is it already?
Three words.  God placed it on my heart to tell one person three words.
Three.  That’s it.
That’s all He’s asked of me – well, not ALL, but you get the idea. At every turn now, I find a reason not to tell him, most times to not even talk to him. I avoid him. Why do I do that? The short answer is fear. Not fear like I think he’ll beat me up and not even fear of him rejecting me. He knows of my relationship with God but because of choices I have made I am not sure that I am a credible witness for God. I am not sure that ME telling him those three words will have the impact that I want. And there’s the rub – It does not have to be the impact I want but it MUST have the impact God wants.
I am sad today because those three words sit in my throat screaming to be released. They sit in my heart clawing and scraping at my insides to be freed. They cry out for liberation from my white knuckled grasp. They plot their escape, they boil with anxiousness. They accuse me just by being.
Three words. Simple words. Not hard to say but oh so powerful.
Paul wrote in Ephesians “And don’t grieve God’s Holy Spirit… (Eph. 4:30 – Holman)”. But this is EXACTLY what I have been doing. It is what we all do every time we do not respond to God leading. Every time we do our own thing and not God’s. Every time we choose to be disobedient to the Holy Spirit we “grieve” him. So, what does it mean to “grieve” someone? According to Dictionary.com it means “to distress mentally; cause to feel grief or sorrow”.
We’re hurting the feelings of God. Do you understand what I just said? Every time we disobey God we hurt HIS feelings. We grieve him.
I am sad today because I realized this morning I am hurting God’s feeling and it may cause me to lose one of my best friends.
Because I cannot say THREE words!
I am reminded of  something Paul said in his second leter to Timothy. He said,
For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind (2 Tim. 1:7 KJV)”
The Spirit, whose feelings we are hurting is the same spirit of “power, love and a sound mind” that God has given to us. Not one of fear.
I am sad today because it has taken me far too long to comprehend words that I have spoken over and over. Words that I use as my email signature. Words that God has etched into my heart.
Words. Three of them.
I will see my friend tomorrow. I will tell him those three words. The three words that God told me to tell him so long ago. Three words that will take no more than 10 seconds to say and that’s if I say them really slow. Three words that could, if I get them out of my mouth and into his ears, change his heart, his life, his eternity.
Tomorrow I will say to my friend, “God loves you.” And I will leave it there – unless he wants to hear more. I will finally say the three words that have plagued my sleep and stolen my peace. Regardless of how he responds, regardless of what he says…
Tomorrow, I will not be sad.
Will you?

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